For You Gals - 5

I want to talk to you gals who may be in a difficult marriage.  By a difficult marriage I mean one in which your spouse lives only to please himself.  We gals at DBC chuckled when we were watching the Piper sermon in which John called the shortcomings, annoyances, and sins in our marriages "cow-pies."  When we first married, our expectations were always green pastures weren’t they, with very few cow-pies?  Your Prince Charming would always remain charming and you would always be his lovely princess. 

Then reality sets in and our dreams come to a screeching halt.

We are all guilty of cow-pies because we are all sinful and flawed.  We are all guilty of being that self-absorbed spouse, of wanting things our way, with no room for the consideration of the other person.  It may not have lasted long depending on our sensitivity to the Holy Spirit’s convicting work and our choosing to repent, to confess our sin to the Lord and seek the forgiveness of our spouse.  Or, we may have indulged in this sin for hours, or perhaps even days before choosing to do that which pleases the Lord.  What do we do when a husband has become self-absorbed and has little or no interest in pleasing the Lord?  Perhaps his affirmations and actions of love to you have all but dried up and your affirmations and actions of love to him  go unrecognized. 

You run to the One whose affirmations and actions of love to you spring from a well that never ceases.  This was the choice that Jeremiah made when he struggled with hopelessness and despair.

“This I recall to mind, therefore I have hope.  The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is Thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I have hope in Him.  The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.”  (Lamentations 3:21-25)

Our natural, fleshly tendency towards an unloving spouse would be to lash out in anger but remember, there is no room in marriage for wrath.  When we are hurt by the sinfulness of our spouse the reaction that pleases the Lord is to bless our husbands by choosing to show goodness and kindness to them, not choosing to get even by throwing an insult back, or to sulk, or to pout, or to yell, or to become embittered, or to withhold our love, or to be fearful, or to go to someone and complain and gossip about our husbands.  (I Peter 3:9)  We are commanded to bear with patience the disturbances created by others.  (Phil. 4:5)  We are commanded not to be overcome by evil but to overcome evil with good.  (Romans 12:21)  Write your husband a note.  Fix him his favorite meal.  Fill his car up with gas.  Bless an insult with kindness.  Treat an unkindness with goodness.  What we are commanded to do the Lord faithfully supplies the strength.  We may feel like we can’t endure under such circumstances, but God says we can, even if our husband never changes.  Our strength comes from the knowledge that God’s faithfulness is great.  His compassion's are fresh, every morning! 

I can’t even begin to scratch the surface in a blog post regarding everything that needs to be addressed on this topic of living in a difficult marriage.  What I am going to do is point you to a book that every Christian wife should have on her bookshelf.  “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace.  Martha has you look at yourself through the lens of scripture and helps you identify and begin to correct the areas in which you are not pleasing the Lord in your marriage.  Martha also gives biblical counsel on how to deal with the mistreatment of a sinful husband.  It is easy to fall into the sin of harboring bitterness, a result of being overcome by evil.  We are instructed to put away bitterness and to replace the bitter thoughts with righteous thoughts and kind acts.  (Ephesians 4:31,32.)  Yes, it takes work, but as you choose to overcome evil with good you will experience God's grace to overcome the bitterness, anger, or resentment that may have taken root. 

Within the body of Christ also are women to whom you can go that will come alongside and give you biblical counsel and encouragement.  Go to those who will get you into the Word. 

The Lord will keep in perfect peace those whose minds remain on Him.  (Isaiah 26:3)  He is our strength and the never-ending source of our graciousness in the midst of all disturbances.   God's divine power has granted us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence.  (2 Peter 1:3)   Be in His love letter, it's our power source for righteous and godly living!